"Well, I love you in messed up ways too."
That is probably one of the few, most beautiful, best things anyone has ever said to me. It's like one of those few sentences that get stuck to my memory, and oddly enough I end up remembering them years and years later exactly as they were uttered in that moment. I have a bad memory. If you ask me what I did in the last few hours, I am likely to not remember, but there are few things I remember, especially few words that were said to me. In fact, most of the memorable things that were said to me came from you, now that I think about it. You are not just occupying my present, you are writing stories of yourself, carving out spaces in my mind with permanent ink. You are not just here today. You were there yesterday too. And I know for certain, that though there is much that I tend to forget, you are now far, far from that part of me.
I love the fact that I am the person you choose to reach out to when you wake up in the middle of the night. I wish that you had more peaceful, uninterrupted nights but I just love the fact that I am the one you choose to trust at 5 am. Sometimes, I really wonder why and reach the conclusion that it is a selfish need to feel wanted that makes me feel this way, but lately, I've come to realise how it is anything but that. Perhaps it has something to do with this overwhelming kind of gratitude I've been feeling towards life these days, grateful that I have you in my life. Perhaps, it is the sense that someone like you can give that place in your life to someone so unlike you, so undeserving, someone like me. And I am so grateful for that; grateful to you, grateful to Him. I think it's strange and kind of darkly comic that you don't believe in Him and yet you are one of the few reasons that make me feel that He exists, so strongly... because how else is all this possible otherwise if God doesn't make miracles happen?
That is probably one of the few, most beautiful, best things anyone has ever said to me. It's like one of those few sentences that get stuck to my memory, and oddly enough I end up remembering them years and years later exactly as they were uttered in that moment. I have a bad memory. If you ask me what I did in the last few hours, I am likely to not remember, but there are few things I remember, especially few words that were said to me. In fact, most of the memorable things that were said to me came from you, now that I think about it. You are not just occupying my present, you are writing stories of yourself, carving out spaces in my mind with permanent ink. You are not just here today. You were there yesterday too. And I know for certain, that though there is much that I tend to forget, you are now far, far from that part of me.
I love the fact that I am the person you choose to reach out to when you wake up in the middle of the night. I wish that you had more peaceful, uninterrupted nights but I just love the fact that I am the one you choose to trust at 5 am. Sometimes, I really wonder why and reach the conclusion that it is a selfish need to feel wanted that makes me feel this way, but lately, I've come to realise how it is anything but that. Perhaps it has something to do with this overwhelming kind of gratitude I've been feeling towards life these days, grateful that I have you in my life. Perhaps, it is the sense that someone like you can give that place in your life to someone so unlike you, so undeserving, someone like me. And I am so grateful for that; grateful to you, grateful to Him. I think it's strange and kind of darkly comic that you don't believe in Him and yet you are one of the few reasons that make me feel that He exists, so strongly... because how else is all this possible otherwise if God doesn't make miracles happen?
I don't know what will happen in the future and I've abandoned the question only to completely live today and fully enjoy this sense of having you there because god knows how spring turns to autumn when you go.
I hope some day you honestly do actually get to cross the Indian Ocean on a boat. And I also secretly hope that I'm with you on that boat because something(I know, I've been using this word a lot) makes me feel that I might even recover of my fear of the sea if I had to cross it with you.
I hope some day you honestly do actually get to cross the Indian Ocean on a boat. And I also secretly hope that I'm with you on that boat because something(I know, I've been using this word a lot) makes me feel that I might even recover of my fear of the sea if I had to cross it with you.
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