Hello life! Please slow down. You're moving ahead too fast for me. Don't get me wrong. I love racing along.
1) Never take yourself too seriously
But
let me think a little to myself, talk to myself, and before I forget, make a list of the things I should never/or just shouldn't do:
Dear Self,
1) Never take yourself too seriously
2) Never take Ayn Rand too seriously
3) Don't wear sequinned shoes to work.
4) Never talk about plans.
5) Never ignore a call no matter how much you wish the caller would get hit by a bus.
6) Never discuss your faith. Hear others out when they discuss theirs, by all means.
7) Never talk books with nut jobs who thought you're not a well-read person "because of all your jibber jabber". Ever.
I'm serious.
I'm serious.
8) Never tweet unless you have something revolutionary, smart and funny to say at the same time. Not just something smart but not funny because well, no one takes you seriously when you're serious. You're supposed to be intellectually stimulating, damn it
9) Don't watch bad movies/TV shows only to feast your eyes on a perfectly beautiful looking man. Even if he's really beautiful... and gorgeous with those broad shoulders and that chiseled-- You're supposed to broaden your mind, god damn it!
But you may. Occasionally... Only if the fridge is out of dessert.
10) Never discuss Carl Dreyer.
11) Never talk about your interests unless asked to. Listen to someone else about theirs more.
12) Never for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy EVER crush on a gay guy.
13) Never bring up your dude friends with mom or she will leave you convinced that both of you are in love.
14) Don't even try telling anyone that you don't believe in love.
15) Don't try eating ice cream with a fork.
15) Don't try eating ice cream with a fork.
16) Never go to the gym with your mom.
Or just go, be convinced that tread-milling that fast will leave you with no knees for the rest of your life, and suffer the consequences.
17) Never say "Later, Alligator!" to your boss. No matter how cool he is. Just don't... (Whatthefuck were you THINKING?!) ever.
18) Never ever ever pair black pants with white tops.
19) Never feel too good or too bad about your work.
20) Never forget someone who had the patience to talk to you when you had none for yourself.
21) Don't go to an outdoor dinner party with half-covered legs... unless you want to become dinner... or the life of a blood-sucking, drunken mosquito party.
22) Never stop believing or disbelieving in things. It is the fuel to your moving feet, your working hands, your discerning eye and your doubtful ears.
23) Never, never be that obnoxious, over-confident person with a smug smile, and a too-full-of-myself attitude. They all look pathetic.
And mostly smell bad, bulge out of their clothes and grunt too .
17) Never say "Later, Alligator!" to your boss. No matter how cool he is. Just don't... (Whatthefuck were you THINKING?!) ever.
18) Never ever ever pair black pants with white tops.
19) Never feel too good or too bad about your work.
20) Never forget someone who had the patience to talk to you when you had none for yourself.
21) Don't go to an outdoor dinner party with half-covered legs... unless you want to become dinner... or the life of a blood-sucking, drunken mosquito party.
22) Never stop believing or disbelieving in things. It is the fuel to your moving feet, your working hands, your discerning eye and your doubtful ears.
23) Never, never be that obnoxious, over-confident person with a smug smile, and a too-full-of-myself attitude. They all look pathetic.
And mostly smell bad, bulge out of their clothes and grunt too .
[More coming up soon....]
What're you on about? Black pants and white tops are a classic!
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