I think I drove him mad. I think I forced him to run out of patience.
I believe I misunderstood him when he was just being his honest, blunt self. I believe I misunderstood him.
I know I hurt him out of anger.
But all of this happened a year ago.
I made someone who did love me, unlove me. In that process I also lost the first person I have ever loved.
In that time, I lost the only person I love.
In that time, I lost the only person I will ever love.
I don't think I am capable of being in healthy and stable relationships. I know for a fact that whenever someone comes close enough, they will eventually run away because I am sure, I am so sure that I am not normal. I think I'm meant to be on my own.
I think I damaged a love, and that's enough for a lifetime. I don't think I'll ever dare to do this again. I don't think I can ever do this again because even though it's been a year and two days less to two months since we spoke, I still love him like I did the first time I told him back in September 2015 that I love him. I know I will always love him like that today, and every other day.
And I'm sure there won't be space for anyone else again because you see, even though it's been more than a year, he will always take up that space. That seat will always be reserved for him even though he will never come back to take that place again.
I believe I misunderstood him when he was just being his honest, blunt self. I believe I misunderstood him.
I know I hurt him out of anger.
But all of this happened a year ago.
I made someone who did love me, unlove me. In that process I also lost the first person I have ever loved.
In that time, I lost the only person I love.
In that time, I lost the only person I will ever love.
I don't think I am capable of being in healthy and stable relationships. I know for a fact that whenever someone comes close enough, they will eventually run away because I am sure, I am so sure that I am not normal. I think I'm meant to be on my own.
I think I damaged a love, and that's enough for a lifetime. I don't think I'll ever dare to do this again. I don't think I can ever do this again because even though it's been a year and two days less to two months since we spoke, I still love him like I did the first time I told him back in September 2015 that I love him. I know I will always love him like that today, and every other day.
And I'm sure there won't be space for anyone else again because you see, even though it's been more than a year, he will always take up that space. That seat will always be reserved for him even though he will never come back to take that place again.
All the world's a stage and tonight you lead the play. Why only in theory? Put it in practice and live the story you want to live. If what you felt so many months back still holds true then it's worth fighting for. If you can unlove, you can undamage, and relove. Regret doesn't lessen with age, it sulks in a corner and grows heavy on the heart. Never leave anything untried. Good luck and take care.
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